Most people don’t set out to learn things the hard way. I know I certainly don’t. Who really wants that? But regardless, why does life feel so hard sometimes?
But somehow… it keeps happening.
You make a small decision.
Take a shortcut.
Avoid something you know you probably shouldn’t.
And later—
you realize it cost you more than you expected. Often it’s an unintended consequence.
For Kimball DeLaMare, that pattern became clear over time:
“Taking the easy way has propelled me into the hard way… several different times.”
The Kind of Lesson You Don’t See Right Away
There’s a version of life where things make sense as you go. But in my experience this its rare to see the purpose right along side the tricky stuff.
And then there’s the version most people actually live:
where you only understand things after they’ve already happened
The missed opportunity.
The relationship you didn’t show up for.
The decision that felt small at the time… but wasn’t.
And it’s easy to look back and think:
👉 I should have known better
But that’s not usually how it works. After all, we are all works in progress. Am I right?
Some Lessons You Choose
Some Lessons Choose You
One of the things this conversation makes clear is that not all “hard ways” are the same.
Some come from:
- avoiding effort
- taking shortcuts
- not paying attention
And others…
come from things you would never choose:
- loss
- injury
- broken relationships
- watching someone you love struggle
And those are the ones that feel harder to make sense of.
Because they weren’t your fault.
When Hard Things Start to Mean Something
There’s a moment in the conversation where everything shifts.
Not because the circumstances change—
but because the interpretation does.
“I think that we’re given specific, customized challenges… to become refined.”
That idea doesn’t remove the pain.
But it does change the question.
Instead of:
👉 “Why is this happening to me?”
It becomes:
👉 “What is this shaping in me?”
The Kind of Perspective That Changes Everything
It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong.
The problem.
The stress.
The uncertainty.
But there’s a moment where Kimball describes drawing a simple picture:
A small black dot… surrounded by white space.
Most people focus on the dot.
But that’s not all that’s there.
“If that’s where your focus is, life is probably going to suck for you.”
It’s a blunt way of saying something most people already feel:
👉 where you place your attention… shapes your experience
So Why Is Life So Hard?
There isn’t a simple answer.
But there is a pattern.
Sometimes:
- the hard way comes from what you avoid
- sometimes it comes from what you’re given
- and sometimes… it’s the only way you learn something that actually stays
“Perhaps in the eternities… this is the most efficient way to learn. Maybe this is the easiest way.”
It’s not a comforting idea at first.
But it is a steady one.
If This Feels Familiar
If you’ve ever felt like:
- you keep learning the same lessons the hard way
- life feels heavier than you expected
- or you’re trying to make sense of something you didn’t choose
this conversation is worth sitting with.
Listen to the Full Episode
🎧 Kimball DeLaMare understands this first hand. Listen to his conversation here.
If You Don’t Want This to Fade
Most realizations don’t stick.
They pass… and life keeps moving.
If you want a place to stay with this a little longer:
📓 [Journal Link]
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